I picked Jennifer.  For though I loved ALL of them, and you can read the replies here, I read Jennifer’s and laughed and laughed at her response.

“Jenn, who really needs to brush her teeth and get her self together to go to her daughter’s play,which starts in 10 mins, but she would rather read Hollys funny post.” 

It made my day and really made me laugh!!  Aren’t we like that? Trying to fit in one more thing before we leave!

**I have another giveaway at the end of the week — this time for a book!

It all started about a week ago….my friend Kristen wrote on her Facebook status that she was trying to finish up her bucket list and what might she need to add to it.  So I replied milk a cow in Italy.  She laughed and said that milking a cow was totally on her list and she was going to add “in Italy.”

So I wrote on my Facebook status a couple of things I’d like to do…

1)  run a half marathon

2)   go on a cruise with just Chris (no children)

3)  walk on a Swiss countryside and have a picnic.

(By the way, you can friend me on facebook at chrishollysmith at msn dot com or on twitter at hollygorinsmith.)

So Saturday night, we had a couple over for dinner and games.  They are becoming such dear friends!  I love spending time with them and laughing together. My friend Diane was talking about California, and I mentioned that I’d like to save to take the kids to Disney Land sometime in the next couple of years.  She said, “Well, you should come to Disney World with us next January.”

I told her that sounds like fun and that I’d start praying now for God to provide the means to go. Then Diane added that she was running in a half marathon.  I told her I really would like to do that someday (meaning in about three years). She told me that I should train and run with her.  I laughed.

Then something clicked in my mind, “Maybe, I should. What would it hurt to try?” So I told her, “If God provides the means and if I can be disciplined to train, then I would totally do both.”

And you know what?  Both things to me seem quite impossible.  I am overweight and out of shape.  I have not gone running for at least 12 years.  Even when I was in good shape, I could only run 2 miles without stopping.  I have never in my life ran more than 4 miles with stopping to walk. But 13???

Our finances are another impossibility.  Right now, we have a few needs that we have put off due to the fact that our budget is workable, but tight. Even this week, we are praying for how to spend some of our tax return, while a huge portion will go to property taxes. So having enough to travel to Disney World as a family and pay the entrance fee for the marathon is also way beyond our ability to do.

So I believe that when life intersects this way–seemingly haphazard and definitely impossible–God is working in a new way.

Not only this, but I have been taking “Breaking Free” again.  And I have really felt lately that it is time to finally get beyond the bad habits I have chosen over the past 12 years–lack of consistency, focus and discipline. Also I have poor eating and exercise habits. So I have been praying for God to show me ways to make better choices.  And I have asked Him to not only uncover areas of pride in my life, but also I have asked him to show me what is beneath my poor eating habits.

Blend that in with watching (for the first time in my life) “The Biggest Loser” and seeing someone, who is my weight standing up there.  It just makes me look and go, “Really?” For I don’t think I’ve really seen myself in that light before. I could justify and say, “Oh, but she must be way shorter than me.” Ha! But the reality is that I need to start making choices one day at a time. 

This also fits in with an author I saw on Life Today a couple of months ago.  Her name is Chantel Hobbs.  And she went from 350 pounds to 150.  She struggled with weight most of her life. I wanted to get her book from the library, but it wasn’t available. Then my friend Michelle had a giveaway of Chantel’s book…and I won it!  It’s called “The One Day Way.”

Do you see what I see? The Lord is going to every extreme to get my attention.  And I think, too, He’s inviting me to participate in a “too hard” program with Him. It will be something only He can do.  It will be a miracle and a testimony of His ability.

I am posting before and after pictures for where I am right now.

This first one is from summer 1990, when I was in college and dating my Chris.  I was running two miles regularly then. 

The second one is from before Christmas–so early December 2009. I have lost 8 pounds since this picture so far.

I never have been very long-staying in any kind of program.  So I am just asking the Lord to daily show me His plans for me and I am saying YES in advance. I’m even adding the half marathon as a category, for I plan on talking about it more here.  There are LOTS of correlations between the Word and training to run a race. My goal is to win.  And I define winning as getting there and finishing the race in 3 1/2 hours. 

So be careful of what dreams you give a voice to–they just might happen!  What are you dreaming of right now, friends?  What are your “too hard” struggles? I am setting aside time every time I train to pray for you.  So let me know how…and I most certainly will.  I have no trouble praying and will be motivated to train, if I pray for you as I do it.

Will you partner with me by sharing your requests, either here in the comments or email me at chrishollysmith at msn dot com?  I sure would be helped by you, if I felt that I was not just training, but doing something that would greatly affect and help my friends! Then when I run in January, I will know that the whole journey has been about being surrounded by a cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1-3). That would be beautiful!

For Sophie, who shared this verse with me.

I have a confession to share. I struggle with pride.

So as I have been working through “Breaking Free” again, taking it just because the past ten years have been full up with new strongholds, I came upon some areas, where Beth said people  might begin to have a stronghold in their lives.  Beth began with unbelief.  I believe I can humbly and honestly tell you that I do not struggle with unbelief (at this time).

But when I came across pride–be it pride about how good we are or pride about how lousy we are–I felt the Holy Spirit say, “Yep.” So I began to pray every day that the Lord would show me (call my hand, if you will) over areas of pride.

And y’all?  He has.

Times when I wanted to call attention to how “special” I am…

Times when I wanted to defend myself or my position in an argument…

Times when my stubbornness wants to WIN…

Times when I would say, I would never or I have always and in the process hurt someone else with my judgement…

Just this week, I wanted to reply in a certain way to someone…and I stopped, because the Holy Spirit said, “Be humble.” And you know what?  I hadn’t even had my quiet time or read my Bible, and yet I heard His voice say no, not that way. Speak back THIS way. So I obeyed.  Even though I wanted to “set the record straight.”  Aaah.  More pride.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

I don’t know any point that covers more than the word completely. There are 12 instances in the New Testament alone of that word.  Here are some examples:  completely calm (the water), completely restored (a withered hand), completely astonished (the people after Jesus raised the twelve year old girl, who the people thought was dead), completely amazed (the disciples after the wind calmed on the sea at the word of Jesus), completely lighted (a body that is full of the light of Jesus) and completely saved (what Jesus is able to do for ANYONE).

Reading those alone is completely humbling. Why does it matter? Well, it matters in how much effectiveness we’re going to have in this life.  Will we be full of light or full of self?

So every day, I am challenged to clothe myself with humbleness and not pride…not exaltation…not me. When I clothe myself this way, I have chosen to stay close to the Lord, where I can hear Him say, “This is the way, walk in it.” Then I can obey. Then I can know His friendship in my life–He sticks closer to me than a brother. And y’all?  I need that.  I need Him. He makes all the difference in a day or night.

My Chris and I married in college.  I was 20 and he was 21. I even transferred from one rival school (University of Texas) to another (Texas A&M). We finished at A&M and headed to Little Rock for my Chris’ grad school at University of Arkansas, where Chris says I got my PHT (Put Hubby Through). I had a wonderful job and we loved living there.  During this time, we began to talk of having children–it had been about 3 1/2 years into our marriage.

We began to try for our first child. During this time, we moved back to our home in East Texas, where my Chris began to work at Libbey Glass. We rented a little, log cabin right off the interstate on a blueberry farm.  During this time, I didn’t work, for I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Many people fussed at me for not working, at least until I got pregnant–they told me I could quit then.  Financially, maybe, it was a good idea. But we knew ourselves.  If we had broadened the level of income, once we did get pregnant, it would be very hard to go back.

For a very short time, I did get a job and realized quickly that I had stepped out of God’s will. Still, I could not get pregnant.  The doctor said I had PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). My very first ultrasound was to look at the cysts and no baby, which caused a knawing ache in my soul. I remember the days of very, long quiet times in God’s Word.  I cried out to God.  I cried.  I prayed.  I felt inadequate.  I felt such sorrow.  I remember looking out over the blueberry fields and longing to see a child running through them. I remember prayer walks through those very fields.

At night, I often cried myself to sleep in my Chris’ arms–wailing really.  He was sad, too.  We were at the point where people, with good intentions I guess, began to ask questions.  Why don’t we have a little one? And it broke my heart.  All of my friends had little babies or toddlers.  I would often be in charge of the baby showers.  It was bitter-sweet.

Later in life (about 3 years ago), I would find out that not only did I have PCOS, but also I had a birth defect–partially empty sella (sella turcica).  Both together should have made it impossible to ever have children.

I lifted my eyes to the Lord, and I well remember showing up to my prayer group one day in May–no one else came that day.  I read through 1 Samuel about Hannah and I cried out to God, “I am like Hannah.  Lord, please give us a child.”  That day I also was fasting (it was national day of prayer). 

That evening, my Chris and I went to a movie and I broke the fast and had popcorn.  Do you know?? I got SO sick that night.  I blamed it on the fast and the popcorn together.  One week later I got sick over my morning coffee…and the rest is history.  From that point on, I always knew I was pregnant if I got sick on coffee.

Four children now…and today?  Well today I celebrate the birthday of our first born–an ever-living miracle. Today our Noah is 12. This is my son, whom I prayed for…and prayed traits into his life.  He is truly a set apart child. He is unusually caring and outwardly-focused. He loves Jesus. He loves life.

I tell you this story today for you to not only celebrate with me, but also to spur you on to lift your eyes to the Lord. I don’t know the plans that He has for you. I don’t. But He does!  And they are plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope…Hope! And a future…long-term plans of hope over your life (Jeremiah 29:11).

If you struggle with infertility, please know that I am setting aside this day to pray for you.  I know!  It hurts.  And it is so hard.  But we serve a God, who does the impossible.  He is the “too hard” God over your life. And He hurts with you and loves you so. I dedicate this song to you.

I have had a few posts in my brain, but they have been washed away in what I am deeming, “The forgetfulness of the almost-39 year old.” They may swim back or they may not.  We shall see!

Speaking of “seeing” on Sunday, I was preparing the rest of lunch–my Chris had cooked a turkey–and as the family was seated at the table, I opened a low cabinet and looked to see if I had the right-sized dish for some mandarin oranges.  Immediately, I opened the pantry door to grab said-oranges…and y’all??  I opened the door right into my forehead. I nearly knocked myself out and was stunned for about 5 minutes. It is funny now…especially with the reminder of the KNOT on my forehead. You may ask what I was thinking?  Well, I just wasn’t.  Obviously I need more work on my motor skills in production with my thinker.

Yesterday, I drove to a nearby church, where Sydney will start pre-K in the fall.  I can hardly believe it!  It was just yesterday that she was born. YEST-ER-DAY! It was a hard decision for us to make, as we look at our budget.  The good news is that if it’s not in the budget by the fall, we can easily change course. My heart is to have her in our very favorite pre-K teacher’s class (Mrs. N). All of our children have been in either mother’s day out and/or preK, so I really want this for Sydney. It was with much prayer that we decided to go ahead and sign her up.

As I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, I glanced in the rear-view mirror and the sun was highlighting my head. And I noticed that my hair is nearly 1/8 grey now. So my decision is whether or not I should color it.  I have never colored it and have always wanted salt and pepper hair. I like the color of my hair.  What do you think?  Should I wait and see?  Should I color it?

I will post a picture of my hair soon. But not today.  Today I have much to do!  I need to get on top of some projects and I have a boy turning 12 tomorrow.  I cannot believe it.  Our Noah is such a thoughtful and wonderful child.  He’s on the verge of manhood and yet there is still so much of the little boy left. I am crying, just thinking of it…and can’t see to type.

One last thing.  Remember the thing I said about the design business slowing down? Well, not only do I have a little more work, but also a friend brought to us 9 bags of groceries yesterday.  And I thought, “Lord, You can make a way like no other.”  He often uses things like groceries to remind my Chris and me that He is with us.  I can love a God like that. I really do love Him!

This time of year is one of my favorites and packed full with birthdays in the Smith family.  My Chris turned 40 on January 27th.  Then Noah turns 12 a week later, February 3rd.  Then I turn 39 two weeks later, February 17th.  Every year, we all share the same day of the week, which is pretty neat.

Unfortunately, I have gone back to being sugar free.  So hearing about Girl Scout cookies (Thin Mints are my favorite) and all the birthday cake (I really like cake) is really a challenge for me.

Yesterday was really beautiful here in Colorado, so Chris took Noah to get his birthday present early–a brand new bike!  My parents sent some money and we added a bit, too.  They had such a good ride yesterday, though they claimed that they rode up Mt. Everest.  I think that is a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you?

Just in case you needed a laugh like  I do, I’m posting my friend Heather’s picture of when they went to Qatar.  This is how they moved the camels.  Is that not hilarious??  What caption do you think this pic should have?

I have been in a bit of a funk.  I’m not sure what it is from…but it started about a week ago. So pray for whatever it is–I have no idea. It could be that I’ve not exercised much this past week. But I have been enjoying many things and have really enjoyed Bible study.  It’s just a bit of funkiness.

Also, I’m a little concerned over the slow down in design work.  I keep telling the Lord that I am trusting His timing for it, but then I begin to fret, which is unbelief.  And I just need to ask Him to help my unbelief, don’t I?  I’m also working on some audio/video for a friend and it keeps locking up, which is frustrating to me.  So please pray that tomorrow, it will go smoothly and the funk will be gone.

Even so, we have a healthy family, a happy family and really, just blessings all around! So I choose to keep my eyes focused on Jesus. 

Our Sunday school teacher, Rick,  spoke this morning about Peter walking on the water to Jesus.  He said his mentor told him that the seas (the water) represent sin.  And Jesus has overcome the sin–He’s walking on it and it is not affecting Him at all.  As long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, He was able to walk on (overcome) the water (the sin).  But when his eyes averted to the water (the sin), he began to sink.

I told Rick that that’s not only a good Word, that’ll preach!

I love what Psalm 40:2-3 says:

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
       out of the mud and mire;
       he set my feet on a rock
       and gave me a firm place to stand.

 He put a new song in my mouth,
       a hymn of praise to our God.
       Many will see and fear
       and put their trust in the LORD.”

So as February begins, I want to keep my eyes focused on the one, who lifted me out of that miry pit.  I am praying for a new song this month.

You may remember a couple of weeks ago, I had been reading a book and wrote this: “Also I am currently reading ‘Take This Bread’ by Sara Miles.  It is interesting and challenging for me.  It says under the title that it is a radical conversion. So far, I am at the before the conversion point and it is interesting to read a different point of view–and challenges my current filter by just walking in her shoes for a bit.”

I just finished it and must say that I do not agree with Sara at all.  I do not recommend her book at all.  And I am truly sorry that I listened to the recommendation from someone else without reading further into the summary of the book. My distaste is complete.  And though I could go on about it here, I do not believe this is the platform for it.  I just want to say that her conversion story is not a conversion, but more of a radical perversion. I can only say that I pray she will truly know Jesus and be set free.

And that’s all.

Well friends, it’s been a day of firsts for me!

First of all, I’ve been attending A Woman Inspired’s conference on The Efficient and Creative Life this week. It’s really a cool platform to share and learn.  You can, from your very own home computer, attend a conference–in your pajamas and no make up!  Come on now, that’s just a-ma-zing!!  They have a conference again in April called, Get Revived.  For only $12.95, you can attend.  And I heard tell this morning that Candace Cameron Bure will be there.  I always loved her on Full House.  And I’m tickled even more that she loves Jesus.

OK, so at the conference this morning, they were waiting on a speaker, who was delayed.  And I mentioned in the chat room that we should pray.  My friend Amy said over the microphone, “Well Holly, do you want to pray?”  I texted, “How?”  She said, “Let’s just unmute you and see if you have a microphone.”  And y’all??? It worked!

So I stuttered and stammered through praying and telling about the newsletter I’m doing for A Woman Inspired –sweat pouring from my head, as I “ummmm-ed” my way through.  It was fun.  It was frightening!  It was a lee-tle out of my comfort zone.  But then I realized the coolness of praying over 50 women across North America. And I sat there with my jaw on the floor when it was all done.  Thank you, Amy!  I’m so glad you are my friend.

And also?  I am so excited, as I have used my new laptop for three weeks now, to find out all the neat things I can do with it!  Thank you, Jesus.

The second thing is this, I joined Twitter.  Why?  Well, I don’t know, I thought it would be fun to learn and get to know you all better.  But I’m really insecure that no one would want to be my friend there.  Seriously, I’m feeling the junior-high insecurity creeping all over me on that one.  Even so, if you are on Twitter and want to…ack..sputter..eek!…fol-low me, please do so at https://twitter.com/HollyGorinSmith.

While we’re on the subject, I believe that Beth More has a book coming out next week called So Long Insecurity.  I’m going to race to Lifeway to get mine ASAP.  It may just be a book I need to re-read every month or so.

So what do you all feel insecure about? Am I alone in this?